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My Family....


fall 2008

Our Story

Nicholas was my first child born. He was only five lbs one ounces at birth and had breathing troubles that later turned into chronic asthma.I ended up raising nicholas at a very young age alone. I left a very volitale and abusive relationship with his father. My hope was taking him from that situation would make our lives better. I had no idea at the time what I was in store for as nicholas battles would be come harder and harder as life went on. Nicholas always struggled to meet up to his peers. He was a happy baby though always silly and fun. But at age three something changed. He became almost unresponsive to redirection. I constantly struggled to keep him on track or to even get his attention. He was defiant and never followed directions. School was always a struggle and I always blamed the daycare for what was going on and sat in a pit of denial. At only three years old he was kicked out of daycare because of his behavior. I knew that day something was seriously wrong. I began my struggle to understand what was going on with him and how to fix it. I started with simple reward systems, diet changes, herbal supplements and intense counseling it masked the problem but nothing seemed to work.Things seemed okay for a while but they really began to change. He started to get aggressive and easily flustrated. He constantly talked back and could not handle social situations or changes. I made the gut wrenching decision to begin ritalin medication of concerta. It was a drastic mistake he had a very rare reaction to the drug. Within minutes of being in sunlight he had third degree burns across his his forhead and nose and checks the skin started peeling away from his face within minutes. He began acting sparatic and uncontrollable emotions emerged suddenly I received a panic call from his preschool.Once I got him home it took myself and my grandmother along with my mother to restrain him. He was screaming hysterical and crying I had never seen this behavior before. His eyes were glassy and his heart was racing out of control. I rushed him to the emergency room to seek medical assistance. They told me he had a reaction almost like being on speed the doctors could only watch the meds take their course and prepared me for a very long night. Their was nothing they could medically do. It was the most frightful night of my life. I held him as he screamed and cried uncontrollably and restrained him when his behavior became untamed. I cried for hours watching him I felt so helpless and afraid I was going too loose him it was four thirty am before I was able to get him to sleep. That morning nicholas awoke around ten completely lathargec and his breathing was slow. I called the family doctor but she was no help. I knew to never try these drugs again and it was years before I allowed doctors to try a then new drug out strattera which was a miracle drug. Finally he was controlled through this medicine but it took a lot more to get us there. But even that lasted a short time.After our frightful bout with ridilun I kept pushing the counselors to search deeper but no one would listen but I never let up. One of the aides at his school quit because she was so stressed out by him and his behavior. He was jumping off tables throwing toys and his behavior was borderline psychotic. I removed him from the program for a few weeks but nothing helped he returned and I began utilizing the school system.When nicholas entered kindergarten I was blessed with the knowledge and wisdom of a what most would call seasoned teacher. She immediately recognized the signs of his problems and became the voice that would begin a process I as in no way prepared for but desperately needed. After months of fighting I finally got the school to do testing at kindergaten level for beahavioral problems and he was diagnosed ADHD. I knew this diagnosis was not accurate but with it he began to receieve resources through the school district that are still implemented today.Since this diagnosis I have switched one family doctor and two counselors to the one we have now who is by far amazing but other diagnosis have been added include Bipolar and PDD (pervasive develeopmental disorder). Both of these conditions are serious conditions the PDD is on the autistic spectrum (don't even get me started on that) but not considered true autism and the school to this day is non compliant with any diagnoses of ASD. Since I have not went through FORMAL testing for this condition he is still labeled specific learning disabled (sld) they may add cognitive later on but the emotional disabled is what I am fighting to have proven. His las IEP testing was done shortly after our home caught on fire last year. We lost everything including the home and all contents as you can imagine this was devastating for him. The rules state to emotional disabled testing can be done within 6 months of a traumatic incident. We are now at six months so the push for that testing has begun.Nicholas has been diagnosed symptomatic of autism particularly Asperger Syndrome and has been labeled high fuctioning autistic by both his family doctor and his psychiatrist. In fact everyone on the planet sees the autisim in him EXCEPT the school so to shut them up I will fix that. He can make eye contact and his behavior has been modified at times. He still cannot control his emotions and social settings are still a complex situation for him. Processing is difficult for him he cannot move from one thing to the next quickly there has to be a complete break form one event for him to move on or he gets lost in the clouds.For instance if he is writing with a pen and you ask to use his pen he cannot hand you the pen and move away to another task. Instead he will sit there requesting it back frequently and make subtle remarks to the fact he was using that pen for this or that reason. He will get disgruntel and if time enough passes he will merly try to take the pen back himself as oppose to it being given back. He simply cannot break away in a timely matter from what is in front of him once he has interest in it.He cannot handle suspense, loud noises or change. He gets fixations on specific things and goes with it as expressed in the ink pen situation. He is at a reading level of an fifth grader. He can udnerstand complex stories and books. He is currently writing the script for star wars 7 in which he plans on holding on to and directing when he gets older. His math skills are poor in fact he is repeating third grade this year because of the trauma of the house fire he was not able to recover and meet basic standards to move on. Yet he is still doing second grade math and cannot do cursive writing.After years of begging and counselor changes and moves here and there nicholas is finally getting the testing we need. I am happy to say that neurological testing will be done the date is to be set within the next few weeks. This testing will allow us to pinpoint what is going on with him and how he processes the world around him.In the meantime he will conintue to receive all the services he has. I have located an advocate for him here in town.and also have him authorized for disability services through our local community mental health facility. I still let him play sports. Even though he is not the star of the team the acknowledgment alone makes him feel accepted. I will continue to put him in activities like this and the more I do so his ability to fit into social settings shall progress as they already have.He has a good medicine regimen and he still sees his counselor and psychiatrist and family doctor. At school he has three hours a day in a resource center and the rest of the time he is in the regualar curriculum room. I do have him riding the bus this year to and from school which has added a good sense of responsibility to his day. He receives occupational therapy, physical therapy and counseling at the school.We do various activities and I let him live as normal of a 9 year old boys life I possibly can NEVER treating him as a child with a disability. My method is simple push him far if I cripple him he will never get anywhere. I have seen a response form him with this and the harder I push him the harder he pushes himself. Always seeking recognition his prayer was answered when the school told him he was selected to be an aide in the 3-4 year old preschool. Because of his medication nicholas is much calmer he is a sweet loving boy who loves hugs. He is not afraid of touch and we use the brushing technique with him. He absoluetly loves his baby sister. The school has seen his interaction with her and thinks this technique of using the aide opportunity for compliance in the classroom is just what he will respond too. During his time as an aide he will assist with crafts and read books to children. It will give him the big brother status at school he misses when not at home. He is not a danger to himself or others which makes him and ideal candidate. He is also a reading buddy for a kindergartner.I will continue to follow our plan we have in motion now and as I already know that can change. I am optimistic of this testing and YES I would love it to come back that he has NO signs of autism BELIEVE me I am okay with that but for the mean time i have already began falling into place as a mother of a child with this and even if he is not diagnosed with this disease I will continue to help other parents.If you think you're child is autistic here is what you Consult with doctors and the school Find an advocate in you're area to assist you with the process Push for autism testing through the school or counseling center Make sure to keep you're child in with a counselor and a psyciatrist Try to use as many resources in one place as you can for instance his counseling center, advocate and DD services are all affiliated with one another so their is no lack of communication.I hope this helps you and I will write more soon

Monday, December 15, 2008

If you thought soccer moms were protective you never met this basketball mom!

One of my sons favorite sports is soccer. Hence the name of my blog. But the past year or two nick has wanted to dabble into other types of sports. He played basketball for the first time two years ago. He enjoyed it and would of played last year but he was wore out and wanted a break.
We started this fall out with flag football and boy did he ever get into that we will
certainly be doing it again next year. But this fall no soccer we are now doing soccer in spring. His regimen is fall football, winter is basketball and soccer in the spring. I must say I felt weird not playing soccer this fall. But I did enjoy the new sport and so did nick.
We went back to basketball this winter. Nick is doing much better in it. He is even getting baskets! But we hit a glitch. We have a coach this year that won the trophy last year and is on a high off it. The first game my son never played! Now let me first say this is recreational basketball. Their is a draft and the coaches pick their players. This coach picked my son we did not pick him. Secondly the rules state that each child must play for eight minutes total each game. The coach was aware of his mistake after the first game and apologized. I let it go.
So then came this past weeks game and he did it again. Nick played. If you want to call it that. For about a lil over a minute the first half and less than a minute the last half. This was completely unacceptable.
At both games I had parents yelling go over there and get after him and wanting me basically to tell the coach off. I had last week talked to the director and asked him what to do he advised me let the coach fix it. So I did but he did not fix it.
I went right over and told that coach after the game all about himself. I told him he was only trying to win and great we won so freakin what my son didn't win he didn't play! How dare you treat him this way I know he is not the best player but my son has to deal with enough scrutiny from people because of his differences how dare you treat him poorly too. What kind of role model do you find yourself to be. Do you have any idea what it entails to get a three year old and ten year old up and outta bed on a saturday morning dressed and ready for a game and arrive by 10 a.m.! I didn't sign up for this but we did not pick you .. you picked him so if you don't want him find a coach who does or tell pat (director) to give me my money back! I then stormed off and did not even give him the chance to explain! I was furious and out for blood and dang near wanted to sock this guy. He kept saying the thing is and i cut him off with the thing is what you want to win oh trust me we got that!
So basically after cooling off while the team pictures were being done I ran into the ref from our game. He also was the ref last week and had confronted the coach about it then. He also was not happy and told me that I need to see the director. So I went over and got pat.
Now see my aunt works for the rec department in fact she signs all the kids up... posts the standings the schedules and all that online. So I know these people. Pat knew I was ticked and we went into the rec office. I told him everything that had happened and what I said to the coach. I told him I felt bad because I did it in front of the kids and I was not trying to disrespect the coach but on the flip side my son needed to see me stand up for him and that is precisely what I did. I also told him you can't tell me if his precious mister future nba player was treated that way he wouldn't blow his stack too! Heck his son never sat out the whole game! Pat agreed and told me he would contact the coach.
Later that day I calmed down and thought okay if this guy is my sons coach we need to hash this out. So I sucked it up and nicely called him to talk he was nice and all we spoke for a meer second and he stated he was at the barber shop and he would call me back when he was done. Today is monday I have yet to hear from him I am not suprised lil chicken!
So I don't know what will happen here but I am furious over this and will not allow my kid to be treated this way. He may be six feet 200 some pounds but I am not afraid of him at all! So say prayers for me this all works out! I will say my son was rather proud of his mom and I am proud of him he handled it very well!
Posted by Not You're Average Soccer Mom at 7:47 AM

1 comment:

mommytoalot said...

You go girl!
If we parents do not advocate for our children, no one will.
And that coach..what a jerk!!

December 15, 2008 at 9:13 AM

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